tfln for you and yours.

[goty]

one, two, you know what to do.

Comments

[goty]

A. she said shed murder a thousand dolphins to be with me what does that mean
B. i wuld think i was a stalker too if i didnt know my self
C. i got the goods
D. did you know tou make pterodactyl noises in your sleep im an expert
E. [text her!]

c

[shiftedshape]

And what goods are those?

D

[oinks]

Not me. That's the crocodile

a

[theartofmadness]

why dolphins. tell her wasps or bust

c

[expectaspectre]

i think this was supposed to go to someone else !!

b

[counterstep]

two things can be true

A

[sanctus_dei]

depends on what she plans to do with them

[shiftedshape]

A. Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take a pregnancy test. But I can't because I spent all my tickets on knives.
B. He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
C. If the multiverse is real, would you fuck yourself? I'd fuck myself.
D. I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
E. I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
F. Message him!

e.

[theartofmadness]

is there tho

C

[oinks]

No. She doesn't deserve it

B

[expectaspectre]

i don't know
i think it is sometimes called for :)

d

[counterstep]

yeah you're definitely not saying i'm right either

why are you still listening to his excuses anyway?
didn't he steal one of your knives JUST last week?

[blackclad]

1. I probably shouldn't have a nightmare about expressing affection.

2. I don't think your Fitbit tracks 'flipping the fuck out' as an activity.

3. It's done. I'm done. Goodbye veneer of class and respectability.

4. dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore

1

[shiftedshape]

I wouldn't worry about it.
Everyone has those.

[Five minutes later:]

I have been informed not everyone has those.

3

[expectaspectre]

i think you have to have one of those first before you can lose them :)

2.

[theartofmadness]

it should, i can flip the fuck out like you wouldn't believe man

[oinks]

01. Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake? And for waking the birds. Fuck birds
02. I found out he doesn't have a myspace so I'm going to actually go to his house to stalk him
03. My warden says he wants to work on my "trust issues". I think he's found the cash cow within
04. A little sexual choking never killed anybody. And if it did, they died happy
05. Text her

4

[shiftedshape]

It absolutely has.
But more importantly, do you want to explain that to Claire when you come back?

[expectaspectre]

A. This isn't just a hangover . I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts

B. Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for ?

C. Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient

D. Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it

E. I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too . Definitely still drunk

F. [text her!!]

a

[shiftedshape]

Are you saying you took something else?

[nineteenfortyfive]

1. He was 6'3" and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him???
2. I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire
3. I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
4. [text her]

1

[expectaspectre]

i officially know too much about your marriage now !

[theartofmadness]

1. of all the things i've been in jail overnight for, stealing a wet floor sign from a mc donalds has gotta be the dumbest

2. dude that toilet just fucking exploded, like literally

3. its been exacrly 0 days since i woke up on the floor with a burger in my hand

4. strip clubs are always paid off with a murder or two idk why anyone was surprised

5. are you gonna fucking fight me already or what god damn

6. text himb!

6

[oinks]

Snitch

[omniavincit]

A. i want a secret room again
B. 💋🍑🚆☃️ 🔭🛸 🧲🧙‍♂️🍀🐖🪦🌵 🎂😠🕷️ 🗺️⚓🏴‍☠️ 🚨🦇🎶🌋 🪨❓⛺🦁🍯
C. waht do you think happened to the other 3999 destroy its
D. ppl bitch about no pens but lucifers feathers are right there
E. ok ill bite. whats YOUR dumbass escape idea
F. [come at me!!]

[oinks]

Plucking a couple plants bare and using the sap to knock out the wardens, then

Oh, wait. You meant *my* dumbass escape idea?

[reek]

1. MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM

2. do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconscious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?

3. I hate who I'm becoming. I think of it as growth but I hate it.

4. anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hang out with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.

5. No you can’t smoke seaweed

6. [choose ur own]

2

[nineteenfortyfive]

actually yes

[counterstep]

1. so i might have accidentally set the greenhouse on fire

2. sorry for breaking your door i really thought an inmate snuck in and was choking the shit out of you

3. yeah pretty sure i just saw him hugging archie and crying and now i don't know what to do with this information

4. does it even count as moonshine if we're in space? it's always night and the ship lights are always on when i'm making it

5. making midnight burgers. you want one?

6. ( message him! )

2

[expectaspectre]

can't a drunk girl barf in peace anymore !!

this wouldn't be a problem if you could walk through walls

[sanctus_dei]

1. The extent of my physical activity was running from the cops.

2. I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from

3. can I CTRL ALT DEL this universe

4. you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that the toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

5. Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.

6. I had to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero.

7. text him?

1

[omniavincit]

me and misty are not "the cops"

[grindset]

1. here is the thing: i have so many facts about lightning. ask me
2. yes. helicopter.
3. i did not eat your corn dog, you put it in the destroy-it because it was "too good for this world"
4. ok fine, guess what he looks like. i can tell you right now that you will be wrong.
5. re: the "vaginal recession", my condolences, but how exactly am i supposed to assist with that

1

[oinks]

What happens to the human body when lightning strikes it